God Help the Outcast

Just like many of my friends, I caved and on the day Disney+ was launched I signed up for a membership (shout out to my parents for my early Christmas present). For a while, I had debated on writing another blog. "What would I say? How would I tell everyone what has been going on in my life? I don't have anything good to say.... Where do I even begin to start?" All of these questions ran through my head. But when I decided to watch one of my favorite childhood movies, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, it all just clicked.

In the movie, Esmeralda is a fugitive, a gypsy hiding in a church claiming sanctuary. The Priest and here are having a great conversation,

Esmeralda - "What do they have against people who are different anyway?"
Priest - "You can't right all the wrongs of this world by yourself."
Esmeralda - "Well no one out there is going to help, that's for sure."
Priest (guiding her into the main area of the church) - "Well, perhaps there is someone in here who can."

And then just like any good Disney movie does, she looks around and breaks out into a song.

"I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even there.
I don't know if you would listen to a humble prayer.

Yes I know I am just an outcast, I shouldn't speak to you...
Still I see your face, and wonder, were you once an outcast too?

God help the outcasts, hungry from birth.
Show them the mercy they don't find on Earth.
God help my people, we look to you still.
God help the outcasts, or nobody will.

(Townspeople)
I ask for wealth.
I ask for fame.
I ask for glory to shine on my name.
I ask for love, I can possess.
I ask for God and his angels to bless me.

(Esmeralda)
I ask for nothing, I can get by.
But I know so many, less lucky than I.

Please help my people, The poor and down-trod.
I thought we all were children of God.

God help the outcasts...Children of God."

Now I could easily go line by line and explain why this hit me so hard that night, but I will spare you. But please read the words and let them sink in. The song "God Help the Outcast" has never been my favorite, in fact I never really liked it...until that night.

From the moment the scene starts you know it is going to be a good one, she is asking a question we are facing all the time, "What do they have against people who are different anyway?" Just because someone is an outcast, does that mean we shouldn't care for them?

Six months ago, this feeling of being an outcast became very real for me. Long story short, I left a job I loved. I was asked to leave without an explanation and after my boss and I agreed I would return the upcoming school year. I have never felt so outcast in my life. While the parishioners and students all still love me and wanted to see me, I just didn't feel welcome at the parish any more.

I honestly could relate to Esmeralda when she prays "I don't know if you can hear me or if your even there." I had spent the last 7 years giving my life to Christ, working for his Church and trying to lead others to Him. It was a battle each and every Sunday, convincing myself to go to Mass. But I did it. Every Sunday, alone, at a new parish where everyone knew of me but I still did not feel at home or in some ways very welcome. (This was not their fault, just the place I was at in life.)

Fast forward a while and I thought I had finally landed a great job. I had been praying a lot about it because I knew that if I took this job, I would have to give up fostering because of the hours. While I had put fostering on hold until I landed a job and got settled again, I still desired to do it. But I had decided I was willing to make the sacrifice. I went through almost 3 months of interviews, testing, observing, and all kinds of stuff for this job. But one Monday, after all my hard work, I got told it wasn't happening. I wasn't going to be hired. I was devastated. I had come to terms with not fostering for now and was actually thrilled for this position. I spent most of that day in my bed just trying to figure out why God had let this happen to me...

24 hours later, almost exactly, my phone rang. It was someone from Health and Welfare. I just assumed she was calling to check in on me because we hadn't talked in awhile and my license was on hold. So I filled her in quickly about the job situation and she said, "Well that's actually not the reason I called..." My heart stopped. I had been called for a few children since the girls left my house, but I had always said no because I had no job and I just couldn't do it. "Your Little Man is coming back into care..." I froze. The kid that I had sent home to his Mom and Dad just 8 months earlier was entering Foster Care again. I was their first, and only, phone call. Everyone that knew the case knew that I needed to be called.

It didn't take much convincing... I panicked, but I knew I had to say yes. I didn't know how I was going to make it work, since I was still unemployed, but they said they would do whatever they could to make it work because he needs someone he knows right now. My friends and family all said the same thing, "We will help you make it work."

I kept my phone on me all week, not knowing when I would get the call. I knew it was happening soon, but all the pieces had to fall into place first and that could take 5 hours or it could take a week...no one knew how long. Friday night I got the call. I was out for a friend's birthday and they called to tell me they were headed to pick him up and bring him to my house, they would be there around 11pm.

Little Man has been back with me for almost a month. I thought nothing could top how hard my first month with him was, but this past month has exceeded that. It has been hard as hell. Between becoming a single parent again, trying to find a job, taking care of a 5 year old and all of his baggage, it has been hell. I have spent so many nights crying, asking the Lord " Why are you letting all of this happen?"

And once again this song comes into play. "God help the outcasts." Little Man, a foster kid again. Most of the time when people find out I am a foster parent, they have one of two reactions. They look at me shocked and kind of avoid the conversation or they praise me and say they could never do that (One day, when I have time to gather my thoughts, I will write on why this is a lie!). These reactions happen because of a simple word…”foster.” He, and the other kids in foster care, are seen as outcasts, and most of time through absolutely no fault of their own.

“God help the outcasts, hungry from birth.” These kids come into care because of so many different situations...but they are all hungry and starving to be seen and loved. When and why did we as a culture decided that they were outcasts? I have no idea. But they are children of God just like you and me. When we back away or shelter others, from experiencing or seeing the effects of foster care we are telling these kids that they are outcasts. That they are different than you and I. We tell them that they are not worthy. (Maybe not with our words but with our actions...) Yes this may be hard, and yes some hard conversations can come up with our own kids, but again these foster kids want to be seen just the same.

I have been blown away, once again, by the support I have received. But this time it has hit me differently. My friends were always at my side in this, but this time I have been able to take a step back and see that their entire families are at my side. Many of my friend's kids want to help Little Man... be it helping him transition to a new school, sitting with him at Mass, babysitting him so I can take a walk and get some fresh air after a bad day, or just giving him a huge hug...they see him no different. He isn't an outcast to them at all....he is another child of God.

“Yes I know I am just an outcast, I shouldn't speak to you...Still I see your face, and wonder, were you once an outcast too?” Esmeralda at this point is looking at a statue of Mary holding baby Jesus. Both of whom were outcasts.

I guess all of this is really just to challenge those reading this to see everyone in their life as a child of God. Foster kids, friends, family...everyone. Hopefully we can help those in foster care and those in need feel different than Esmeralda does when she says "Well no one out there is going to help me that's for sure."

Little Man is doing alright...we are trying to find our new normal. Prayers are appreciated, for him, for me, for my job search, and just that I can love him the way he deserves to be loved. He is scared, he can’t verbalize that but he is, and I don’t blame him one bit. If I was in his shoes I would be too…he has been moved so many times, outcast from place to place. I just pray that Jesus will help me love him like he does.